Life of Learning

This week we learned about boundaries and money. I think boundaries are a really important discussion to have before you get married and certainly before you live with someone. Almost all arguments happen because someone overstepped into someone else's boundaries. When you have a roommate you need to have cleanliness boundaries and food boundaries. When you are newlyweds you need to have communication boundaries and relationship boundaries. When you go out with friends you need to respect the boundaries that you have agreed on. If my husband went to school to work on a project with a group, but only the girl in the group showed up and he spent an evening alone with another woman--that would break one of our relationship boundaries. Even if it wasn't on purpose I would expect him to ask me to come or to postpone the meeting until more of the group could be there. That's just part of our relationship and it goes both ways. Another boundary that we have is that we always a...

This week in Parenting we learned about a book called Mindset. It's about the research of this one lady into how and why some people keep learning and some people stop. It's really important for parents to read because they can foster certain traits in themselves, but also in themselves. There are two mindsets--a fixed mindset and a growth mindset. A fixed mindset person would say things like--A person is only born with so much intelligence, I can't learn that because I'm not a that-person, or I won't try because I might fail. A growth mindset person is much more likely to try new things, think that they can keep learning their entire life, and more likely to focus on the learning than the outcome. I wrote two papers this week--one about my friend and I and our mindsets. And the other about my daughter and how I praise her and how I can be better at fostering a growth mindset in her instead of a fixed mindset. It's never too late to change or to help her chang...

This week in marriage skills class we learned about a new way to communicate. It's called the Speaker-Listener Technique. It entails having one person speak at a time while the other listens and asks if they are understanding correctly. It's a little clunky when you're not used to slowing down and speaking in a way that is easy to understand, but that helps people avoid getting heated emotionally. It is also an effective way to communicate because it gives people time to explain and even re-explain themselves.  I tried this speaking method with my daughter. It was actually really helpful to get some information from her and ask her for clarification. I also really liked it because it meant that we had each other's undivided attention if only for a short while. She got distracted after about 5 minutes, but that's pretty normal.  I was talking to my husband about the method and I mentioned to him how people were talking about doing the method without someone el...

The DAP Considerations: 1. What is known about child development and learning—referring to knowledge of age-related characteristics that permits general predictions about what experiences are likely to best promote children’s learning and development. 2. What is known about each child as an individual—referring to what practitioners learn about each child that has implications for how best to adapt and be responsive to that individual variation. 3. What is known about the social and cultural contexts in which children live— referring to the values, expectations, and behavioral and linguistic conventions that shape children’s lives at home and in their communities that practitioners must strive to understand in order to ensure that learning experiences in the program or school are meaningful, relevant, and respectful for each child and family. This week as we learned about parenting styles it really reminded me of my Culture and Diversity class. People need to give...

This week we learned about the nine temperaments. My immediate reaction was that I wanted to evaluate my daughters' temperaments. I made a list and tried to evaluate them high or low in each temperament. This was difficult. It's not like I don't know my girls--it's just that some of the temperaments are harder than others to get an accurate reading on. It makes me wonder if some of the temperaments you can be in the middle--not high or low just average. Then I called my mom and talked to her about my temperaments when I was little compared to now. That was really interesting because I've changed a lot. So I can reliably believe that even if my girls are really high or low in certain temperaments then they may not always be like that. They are very high energy just like I was and I'm a literal couch potato now so...yeah. I want to learn how to get a goodness of fit with the kids. I want to be kind--respect them and firm--respect the situation without taking a...

My husband and I hardly ever get into disagreements. So much so that when I was reading the Seven Principles to Making Marriage Work I couldn't remember how we argued last time--it was like 3 years ago. I was trying to compare how we argued on Thanksgiving about how to make Watergate salad. But then yesterday we had a confusing situation with our money and incurred some overdraft fees. I knew that if we called the bank and explained the situation they would return those fees. My husband was more emotional when he called them wanting to know how the situation happened. Because of that they said they couldn't refund the overdraft fees. So the argument started when I tried to explain that we could get the overdraft fees back but would need to call them back. He was still very emotional and got upset really quickly telling me that I was lecturing him. Then he left to go cool down. That used to really upset me, but I know now how important it is for him to walk away. I called ...

This week in parenting class we learned about the framework for gospel learning. I had heard this concept back when I was a newlywed at LDSBC, but I hadn't realized the application could be used for any question or problem that we were trying to solve. I think as we approach our parenting dilemmas, of which there are many, from a framework point of view we will find the answers to questions that maybe even doctors and therapists can't solve. The answers may only work for us, but they will be grounded in doctrine as we come to understand what the doctrine means. I am using this concept in all of my classes this semester. I want to see marriage, family, parenting, and my life in general through the lens of the gospel. I think that as I study more about what good parenting is and I learn how our Father would parent us then I can begin to take control of situations that I usually struggle with. My children are the greatest part of my life and they deserve to see the reflection of...

We learned how important it is to know where you came from because that impacts so much of how you see your marriage and expect it to be. I know that I am as responsible for my communicating and sharing my needs as I am for trying to meet and respond to my husband's because when our needs are met then we can have a deeper, more fulfilling relationship. My marriage goals are to communicate my needs with my husband and listen to him to help meet his needs. When we can do this we will be able to have a stronger relationship. I think one need that I am lacking is competence in my homemaking skills. I am want to be on top of the dishes and the laundry and the other things that my husband regularly helps out with. I plan to help my husband to feel like he is on top of all the responsibilities that he has right now. We just decided to move at the end of the month--so we will be working together a lot. I want that to be a smooth process without a lot of contention. Another goal that I ...